As my eldest son Isaac (now 4) grew from newborn to baby to toddler, I would announce each new phase as my favourite so far. But the newborn stage holds a special place in my heart. There is just something magical about new life in its most infant form. This tiny little person, full of possibility, but right now totally dependant. Baby at breast, surrounded by my family, offers a level of contentment that cannot be easily surpassed. Watching N hold little Elijah – both relaxing on the couch – fills me with warmth and gratitude. The little mewls, the grip of a tiny hand around your fingertip, those bewildered first glances until they catch your eye and gaze back your reflected love. The cuddles at all hours of the day and night. I can’t properly describe how much I love each moment. I felt this with Isaac, with Xavier and now with Elijah. When Xavier died so young, I felt particularly robbed of this beautiful stage. So I treasure every sight, every sound, every smell, every touch that Elijah offers.
A dear friend gave birth to her first – a little girl- two days before Elijah came into the world. When we met up for the first time after our babies were born she cried with me over Xavier. Her absolute love for her daughter giving her a glimpse into what the impossible pain of losing Xavier might have been. Even now, with Elijah in my arms, I wonder how I survived – and continue to survive – without one of my children. But his love remains and my heart richer for him being a part of our lives. I am a better, more patient and more grateful parent after loss. And the magic of a newborn has me spellbound once again.